And it wasn't academic. I had a balance about some things that had been bothering me I couldn't get past (for those wondering, a balance is energy work to help your body better deal with stress). It was spectacular (they usually are) and I wanted to write about something that hit me:
My friend's sister killed herself and we were talking about that. She had survivors guilt. I can relate to that sentiment, the feeling like you didn't do enough, you could've done more - taking responsibility for things you have no control over. I felt it with my dad's death, my mother-in-law's, and friends who made poor choices. Anyway, she was telling me about a prayer she said afterwards...
"Heavenly Father, where was I? Why didn't I help her?"
"You were living the life I sent you to live. You couldn't live her life for her. That was hers and those choices were hers. You can't take those away from someone else."
Just the phrase, "You were living the life I sent you to live..." It started me thinking about when we're so involved in other people's lives (even just worrying about what they think about us or our actions) that we stop living the lives we were sent here to live. The bottom line is that when someone is in a different place, you can't bring them out of it. You can be a light and make yourself better and maybe they will be drawn to that, but maybe not. It's not your place to worry about it. It's Christ's. And going around trying to be the Savior isn't going to get us anywhere.
And since it's been going through my head thanks to Sara's post, I'm adding these lyrics to the post:
I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone
I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(I never said)
I still belong, don't get me wrong
And you can speak your mind
But not on my time
My dad had so much influence on my life, mainly for good, but sometimes I made decisions just to please him (even without pressure from him). I'm learning a lot more about that aspect of my life now. It helps me deal with his death a little more.