Sunday, January 28, 2007

I did it!

(I totally posted this 2 days ago-stupid interweb)

I went through every box, every shelf, every tiny area of my home I stash things and I purged. I pared down. I decluttered my home. I even got really creative and built shelving. It feels so good to not have so much "stuff". I hate stuff. I wish I could back to the days where I could fit all my belongings in my car sometimes. But getting rid of that much stuff feels GREAT! I still have more to build, but one day I'll finish. And then, of course, I'll move :(. I loathe the idea of a bigger mortgage.

It's hard deciding how long to stay here. I LOVE our condo. But sometimes I wish we had a fenced yard with a playground. Those condos are a lot more expensive, however. Don't get me started on houses. It's hard for me to pay twice as much for the same amount of space and all the responsibility, you know. Or even get more space and have to heat and cool it all. It just seems like such a waste to me. I really just need to live in a tipee or something. Now that would be some efficent heating and cooling.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Overcoming disease

Hubby's doing the community emergency response training and they've said that whether a person lives or dies is 90% mental. The same goes for disease. My dad has decided he will not die from lung cancer and he is beating the odds. I'm going to follow his example. I've talked a bit about this zeolite stuff my dad and I have been taking. He started on supplements around the same time he started chemo in October. The biggest improvement they've noticed has been with the zeolite. Since he's been taking it, the effects of chemo haven't been as noticeable. He still feels pretty sucky on chemo weeks, but he looks a ton better and gets over it faster.

So I started taking it for my endometriosis pain in December and I can't believe the immediacy of the effects. After a few days my fatigue is gone, and after only about 2 days I have little to no pain. I've been off of it a couple of times to test it out and can't believe how much it was helping me. I refuse to accept what the doctors have told me about my options. I'm determined to cure this without surgery and without being on painkillers and hormones for the next 20 years. I keep looking for things on the web so maybe the experiences I post will help others.

Because the culprit of endometriosis pain is estrogen I'm going to try to eliminate as much as I can from my diet. That means no more soy milk and really limiting my animal product (unless raised w/o hormones) intake. Xenoestrogens found in pesticides and air pollution are also culprits. Dioxin has been shown to have a direct link to endometriosis. Zeolite cleans these out of your body so I'm going on a zeolite detox. There's nothing on their website yet about endometriosis and zeolite so I'm doing my own experiments. Let's see if I can get rid of it instead of just control it. I'm going to stay on zeolite and eliminate these things from my diet for a while and see what happens. I also need to use less plastic since it has estrogens in it.

Monday, January 22, 2007

"Like a surgeon, operating for the very first time"

So, the specialist wants to cut me open as well. But he was nice about it and tried to give me other options. But apparently the only way to confirm anything is to take a good look inside. I've never had surgery so don't go telling me how easy a laparoscopy is, because it's still surgery and nothing to take lightly!

But he gave me some other options so I have some things to think over. Without going into too much detail (my uterus, my business) basically I can live on pills (no thank you) or be cut open (also, no thank you), or be in pain. I'm terribly afraid of side effects I may just prefer the pain. So I'm going to keep taking the liquid zeolite that has helped with the pain and fatigue until I decide. This stuff is incredible! It helps with so many different things! My dad has looked a ton better since he's been on it.

But hubby gave me a nice blessing that is helping me to be more accepting of this stuff. God has a method to his madness.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Priorities

Well, I decided to quit school. Grad school will have to wait. For a while. I'm still going to do my online psych class and some other fun things that come my way, but I'm not going to worry about prereq's anymore. I'm still supposed to educate myself, but my motives were not in line with God's will for me. And that is something I want to follow.

After much counsel with religious leaders, prayer, and a blessing from hubby I know that I need to be home with my son. And that's really hard. Some women are really happy and content being a stay at home mom, but I've really struggled with it. I've cried. A lot. I've always wanted to get my PhD and teach and do research. I just know that this is more important at this time and I'll regret it if I pursue my professional ambitions right now.

I really thought I was an exception to the rule, some people are. I've had a lot of things happen that have led me to believe that. But I'm not. So there you go. I guess the key is being humble enough to accept whatever God's plan for you is.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

My new excuse for being overweight: I'm poor.

My brother posted on his blog about how expensive it is to lose weight. It really is expensive to eat well and to really get a good body. I totally agree with it! There was a point in our marriage we were determined to eat healthier and we broke the bank doing it. When you don't have a lot of money for food you almost instinctively go for quantity just in case you don't have enough $$ for dinner that night. $5 Organic salad or $1 burger? Usually the burger wins out.

So it got me thinking about how I haven't lost any weight? Like everyone else I want to lose weight this year, so I'm going to honestly evaluate why I haven't.

I weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant! I lost a bunch after my son was born, but I gained it all back when I was too tired to cook and craving enough calories to keep up my milk. Since then I've stayed the same. Regardless of what I do I haven't really gained or lost, I guess it just hasn't been that high of a priority.

My biggest problem right now? It's so freaking cold! Not only can I not afford a gym, I hate them! I live very close to hiking trails. I also got a brand new bike. I really want to take advantage of those. But I can't take the boy out in the cold, and frankly I'm not too excited about it either. At least he's finally to an age where I can start working out!

Also-pizza. It's cheap ($5 hot and ready!) and it's good. I don't have to cook it. Corn dogs too. Even though I'm eating instant cancer I love those things!

I need a scale that works.

I'm scared that I'll only lose fat and not skin. Seriously. I had this little body before I got pregnant and there was nowhere to put the baby so I grew out. Far. Now I have excess skin. I know, you really want to read that huh? It's not too bad right now because I have fat to pad it. But what happens if I lose the fat and not the skin? EWWW!

I actually like healthy food. Salad? Yes! With oil and vinegar! Oatmeal, granola? Bring it on! grilled chicken? Much preferable to beef or pork, but I'd even prefer no meat. But it's still much more expensive than a can of spaghettios. I really could eat brown rice and stirfry all day, but I don't like cooking it. Bottom line. I'm so tired. Always tired. But my thyroid is fine, so riddle me that one batman. Actually it's a symptom of endometriosis (if that really is what I have). But I've never been able to maintain enthusiasim for coming up with what to eat.

Food storage. I want to store a year of food. Not happening in a condo. I do 4 months. But what kind of food do you store? Cheap stuff that you can make using other cheap stuff, because if you're using food storage, money is more precious than usual. So my food storage consists of flour, cream soups, canned veggies, canned fruit, sodium filled junk, powdered fruit drink (sugar). Most of it is casserole makings. Casseroles go a long way. They're cheap and they're full of fat.

So now I know why I haven't lost it yet: convenience, money, fear. But I have a new fear. Watching my dad's fight with cancer has given me a new motivation for health. While I may not be able to shop at Good Earth every day, I'm determined to find cheap, healthier ways to eat. I've already lost 5 lbs the last 2 weeks by drinking more water and cutting out the soda. I'm still not sure what to do about my food storage, since I prefer eating fresh food. But I'll come up with something.

*I wonder if I can build a greehouse on the condo property?*

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Major Life Decisions

I feel the same way I did when I broke off an engagement many years ago. As much as I want to convince myself that I really want to be a sociologist, I'm feeling that nauseated "this isn't what you really want" kind of feeling. I hate second-guessing myself. And it hurts. Though not as much as the break up. That sucked.

So I'm back to not knowing what I want. I'm good at school. Really good. I like doing things I'm good at. And that is that part that wants to cry when I think of dropping my class. I sat in my class today and loved it. Not because we were learning about deductive reasoning, but because I was in school. I was discussing and learning. Brain candy. mmmm. But that's it. It could have been any class and I'd feel the same way. That isn't enough to get me through a master's program though. I need passion.

I have a passion: small earth friendly houses. I just don't know what to do with it. I don't even have one yet. But I do have a small home and I know many secrets to making it work. Hubby thinks I should write a book.

It could just be bad timing. Because the timing just doesn't seem to be working this semester.

It's probably just my bad ovary affecting my judgement. It has a tendency to do that, you know.

Friday, January 5, 2007

Subject: The rain falls in sheets as lightning flashes illuminate my walls.

My bro had to deal with him as I was off at work. A nice suburbanite Jewish boy growing up in a South Florida neighborhood or say in New Jersey or New York is always on the lookout for a nice Jewish girl. For some reason beknownst only to them, our builders have made the balcony slope upwards towards the drainage pipe. And water running down the wall from said socket in the kitchen. Shirly brought up the vast difference in the breakfasts that Israelis eat. Watching it, you can imagine how Noah felt and as the rain starts to flood in through our balcony door, I wonder if I should start to build an ark. Everyone who see me slather PB on pancakes looks at me cross-eyed. The Jewish boy looks at the final figure in his calculator and becomes bewildered.

I love SPAM sometimes. Very poetic.