Monday, October 18, 2010

I'm feeling like I just can't win. And I suppose I can't. Because I can't live my life to make other people happy.
I think that's one of the hardest lessons in life.
If I do my best to teach my children and they end up pretty smart, then I come across as stuck up when I try to get their needs met at school. I've seen the eye rolls and heard the jabs. Unless you have a nice average child, you'll offend someone with your offspring.
As I've tried to eliminate negative influences in my life, I've found it alienates those around me. I used to see most of pop culture in shades of grey and lately things are seeming more black and white. I wont watch most programs on tv and hardly watch any new movies any more either. No matter my reasoning or motives, this comes across as holier than thou.
I'm frustrated. Because I want to talk to people and enjoy their company, but I have to keep the subject to the weather. When asked how school is for my son I'll just smile and say, "it's fine." When asked if I've read that book they recommended, despite the foul language, I'll lie and say I've been too busy to read. I really don't want to live like that, but I also don't want to make others uncomfortable.
More likely though, I need to just get over it. Because how someone feels about me is really none of my business.
I miss my friend. The one who "gets" me. She moved across the country this summer and now no one close to me understands why I don't make crude jokes anymore or why having a smart child creates problems. That you are finally tired of the worldly things you've had your whole life. It's nice to be gotten. So the great lesson here is if you ever have a friend like that, treasure them and don't take them for granted.

10 comments:

  1. You need to move to my neighborhood. There are lots of people here a lot like you. I don't watch movies or T.V. shows either, I don't have the time or desire to watch them. On the subject of having a smart child, who cares what other people think. Deep down they just wish they had a child just like yours :)!

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  2. We could be great friends, even though my kids are grown up now!! We only need to please the Lord, and love those around us, not conform to them. :)

    Barb

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  3. Call me! Or I'll call you! I miss you, too.

    Send me an e-mail when you need to vent. I'd call today, but I'm about to go visiting teaching. We'll talk soon.

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  4. Yeah we should be friends too. My 2 year old needs friends :) And I feel this way a lot.

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  5. Thanks guys! It's nice to be reminded God never leaves us alone (even if those he surrounds us with are on the internets) ;)
    I would LOVE to live in your neighborhood Kim. I still want to come see you! (school has just made that hard)
    Em-I will!

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  6. I was reading CS Lewis today and he says in the introduction to his book. When the good truly choose to reach for Heaven they will not only be separated from the evil, but even from the other good. It was delicious to me today. It is okay to be striving to be more and be different from others even though they are good. It also reminded me of the talk by Pres. Packer at BYU in 2009 when he told the students...you will be mocked, and not just by those outside of the church...and then he repeated this line...not just by those outside the church. Stay strong. When we have been inspired by the spirit, we really cannot turn back anyway without loosing some of our light. So shine on sister!

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  7. Wait, did I write this post?

    Amen, sister. I get you.

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  8. I used to see things as very black and white, and I'm now in a place where almost everything is grey. That's a much more happy, comfortable place for me. Even so, I still get you :)

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  9. I think you're awesome. I wish we hung out more.

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